


Bizarrestuck

by JeckParadox



Category: Homestuck, ジョジョの奇妙な冒険 | JoJo no Kimyou na Bouken | JoJo's Bizarre Adventure
Genre: Alternate Universe - Homestuck Fusion, Alternate Universe - SBURB Fusion, Canon-Typical Violence, Classpect stuff, Gen, Mind Control, SBURB/SGRUB, aged-down characters
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-22
Updated: 2016-04-29
Packaged: 2018-06-03 11:43:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 9
Words: 9,957
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6609427
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JeckParadox/pseuds/JeckParadox
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>13 year-old Kujo Jotaro finds himself being dragged into a bizarre adventure, with houses, agents, games, frogs, monsters, and aliens. At least he doesn't have to do it alone. Jotaro's three friends, not to mention his grandfather, come along for the ride, hoping that at the end of everything, they'll have a universe to call home.<br/>The only thing that stands in their way is the game, and a vampiric player unbound by time or space. </p><p>A Jojo's bizarre adventure/homestuck crossover, with Jojo characters within a Homestuck setting.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

A young man stands in his bedroom. It just so happens that today, the third of April, is this young man's birthday. Though it was thirteen years ago he was given life, it is only today he will be given a name!

What will the name of this young man be?

**> Enter Name.**

_Moody Punk_

Good grief.

**> Try again.**

_Kujo Jotaro_

Finally.

**> Examine room.**

Your name is KUJO JOTARO. But your friends can call you JOJO. As previously mentioned, it's your BIRTHDAY. Not that you CARE. Your room is a cluttered mess, as you really can't be bothered to be cleaning it up all the time. Sometimes your MOM sneaks in while you're at school and secretly organizes your shit. You have few INTERESTS, and you sure as hell don't cover every surface in your room with them. You guess you like the OCEAN. If you have to pick something. Either way, this isn't the room you normally live in, and so it's not likely we'll gather much about your personality from it. Your GRAMPS gave a you a little guest room while you stay with him here in NEW YORK. You're a student at a school in Japan, but you're also a DELINQUENT who cuts class, threatens teachers, and kicks ass. 

What will you do?

**> Retrieve arms from drawer.**

What the hell are you talking about. 

**> Nevermind. What do you have then?**

You don't need weapons. Your body is a weapon. Anybody who comes after you is going to get a face full of FIST and a world full of HURT. Nothing else is required.

**> Eat birthday cake.**

God damn it. Your mom knows you hate sweet things. You CAPTCHALOGUE it in your SYLLADEX anyway. You might eat it later, if you can't be bothered to get anything else. 

There's a sappy birthday card next to it. Wait. Actually, there's two. And an envelope underneath. One's from your GRAMPS. The other is from her. 

**> Read birthday cards.**

> Happy Birthday Jotaro! I'm so proud of you. 

The note is sickeningly sweet. And pointless. Into the waste bin with that. 

> Jotaro! Happy birthday, finally a man, eh? Here's something for you, if this old man has got his timing right, and he always does, it'll be just what you and your friends need.
> 
> -Jojo

Your GRAMPS also, annoyingly, uses the nickname JOJO. Apparently his grandfather also was a JOJO. JOJO's all the way down, skipping a generation, all the way to the beginning of time, probably.

That card goes into the trash too. 

**> Open the envelope.**

You were going to do that anyway. Good grief.

Inside the paper are two disks. 

Damn it. Your gramps is an absolute nerd. A geek. A man in his sixties, and he's wasting his time with games, and comics, and cartoons, like he's a frigging ten year old. It'd be less embarrassing if he wasn't _so_ into them. You've made it very clear with him, considering the sheer number of times he's goaded you into it, that you don't play computer games. 

The fact that you suck at them has nothing to do with it. Or that he constantly kicks your ass at them. And then mocks you for hours afterward. Nothing to do with it.

At all. 

Shut up.

**> Put the game in the computer and start playing.**

No.

You don't play games. They're for kids. And nerds. And gramps. Who is both. 

You don't have time for that. Besides, the only reason you have a computer to begin with is to talk to your friends, who are all on the ass-ends of the Earth. You'd see them in person, but your family has this BIZARRE CURSE regarding any kind of VEHICLE they attempt to ride. You haven't even tried riding a BICYCLE since the last four all ended up destroyed. Gramps has apparently lived through at least two plane crashes and way more car accidents. 

Speaking of friends...

**> Examine incoming message.**

 It's from one of your friends, trying to get in contact via PESTERCHUM.

 

\-- ankhArrowhead  [AA] began pestering jailedJettison [JJ] 

AA: Jotaro, are you there? 

AA: Happy birthday.

AA: 1 hope you're finding today a good 1.

JJ: Hi

JJ: yeah

JJ: I am*

AA: Good. Did you get anything useful?

JJ: not yet*

JJ: just some cards* 

JJ: and another of Gramp's stupid computer games* whatever you got me didn't arrive yet*

AA: A computer game?

AA: That's strange. 1 just received 1 in the mail earlier today.

AA: SBURB?

JJ: Yeah*

JJ: Weird*

JJ: Did Gramps send it over?

AA: 1 am unsure. There was no card. 1 was beginning to think that maybe you sent it. 

JJ: why?

AA: 1 just thought it was something you would do, sending a gift without a card, or return address, or explanation.

JJ: Well I didn't*

AA:...

JJ:???

AA: Do you want to play?

JJ: No*

AA: Are you absolutely sure? 1f Mister Joestar sent it to both of us, he likely means for us to play it. 

JJ: Not interested in the slightest*

AA: Oh come on Jotaro. 1 have a good feeling about this. Don't you trust Mister Joestar?

JJ: About a third as far as I can throw him*

JJ: Nosy old man*

JJ: He's just trying to make me follow in his shitty footsteps* 

JJ: And remain a god damn nerd even when I'm in my late sixties*

AA: That's your grandfather you're talking about.

AA: Don't you think he's trying to be nice?

AA: Allowing us a chance to do something together like this, even though you're in Japan, and 1'm in Egypt. 

JJ: Actually he's got me at his place in New York right now*

JJ: Dad's still off doing his thing on the road, and Gramps figured the risk of having me and Mom fly over was worth it*

AA: You still don't feel comfortable in airplanes?

JJ: the Joestar family curse*

AA: Whatever, Jotaro.

AA: That's strange. JA just contacted me.

JJ: Hm* Same here*

AA: 1'll be right back.

\-- ankhArrowhead [AA] ceased pestering jailedJettison [JJ]

 

**> Answer JA**

 


	2. Chapter 2

\-- joustingAcharnement [JA] began pestering jailedJettison [JJ]

JA: Jotaro!

JA: Jotaro!

JA: Jotaro, answer, you moody punk.

JJ: Hi there*

JA: I received my copy of the Game from Monsieur Joestar.

JA: I cannot believe he actually convinced you to play, this is great! And on your birthday as well.

JJ: I'm not playing Polnareff*

JJ: I don't like computer games*

JA: Non, Jotaro.

JA: We are playing this game. 7oday. While it is still your birthday.

JA: It will be a bonding experience!

JA: Besides, this game, she is right up your alley Jotaro. 

JJ:***in what way?

JJ: Because I don't care about fighting games either*

JA: Non, non, well... 7here is some fighting.

JA: Quite a lot of fighting.

JA: But it is not a "fighting game"

JA: From what I've seen of reviews and such, it's a very realistic simulation game. Un peu RPG, un petit peu building game. World exploration, terraforming.

JJ: Sounds complicated

JA: ...Un peu.

JA: But it'll be a traveling experience! A real journey.

JA: All from the safety of your home, non?

JA: No airplanes or ships or even cars necessary, my friend.

JJ: ***

JA: Come on!

JJ: Fine*

JJ: Let's make some memories with this role-playing-building-fighting game*

JA: Excellent.

JJ: What do I do?

JA: Just wait a bit, I need to talk with Abdul. But, as its your birthday, I think you should have the honor of going first.

JJ: Fine*

joustingAcharnement [JA] has ceased pestering jailedJettison [JJ]

 

Well now what?

You've agreed to play Gramps stupid game. You can't say no to Polnareff. The guy's an idiot and a dork and a sleaze, but he's so... earnest about everything.

**> Look for Joseph Joestar**

What? And have him ask about the game? You can bluff like a God, but Gramps just... knows... most of the time what you're thinking any way. 

No, you aren't getting your ass kicked at the game by anyone today but your closest friends. 

Nah, you're going to sit here until Polnareff tells you what to do. 

**> Look at computer screen**

You were already doing that. 

It's pretty normal, you guess. The desktop is a default picture of the seaside. It's not the computer you usually use back in Japan. The only real problem is that it has Gramps' favorite web browser, HARMONIA, rather than the one you're used to, NIX. You suppose you could download it, but it's really not worth the effort, seeing as you're only going to be here for a few more days. You'd prefer not to leave much of a record on Gramps' computers. 

**> This is boring.**

Then go do something else. Good grief.

**> Be AA.**

You are now Mohammed Abdul.

You are currently sitting at your computer in your room, having your own chat with Polnareff. You're glad he got Jotaro to play the game. You wish that Jotaro would be a bit more cooperative with his grandfather, whom you're FRIENDS with as well. You first met MISTER JOESTAR at the funeral of your MENTOR.

But that's another story. For now, you're holding two disks in your hands, and watching the grey text go down your window.

JA: Jotaro is going to be the first Client Player. So, the question is, who goes next?

AA: What do you mean?

JA: There were two disks, correct? One is the Server disk, and the other is the Client. If you're the Client, you'll be playing in first person. 7he server will aid them from the outside. 

JA: Jotaro's server will get him 'in' to the game, and then his server will download the client, and the next person in line will be his server and get him into the game.

JA: It will continue until Jotaro acts as the Server for the last player to be a client. 

AA: A circle of server-client players, then?

JA: Yes, absolutely!

JA: I suppose what I am asking, as neither of us have contacted AO, is should I be the next server player?

AA: Or should 1?

JA: Maybe we should ask Jotaro who he'd rather have.

AA: 1f he could pick, he'd prefer Kakyoin.

JA: I know. But what can we do? With all this time zone nonsense, it's a miracle three of us are online!

AA: 1f you don't mind, then 1'll go next. 

AA: 1 insert the server disk?

JA: Yes! 

JA: I'll tell Jotaro to put in the client disk!

AA: Good, 1'm looking forward to this.

JA: Same here! You have no idea.

**> Be Jotaro**

You're him again. Or rather, you're you. And you is Kujo Jotaro.

**> Put in SBURB Client disk.**

Why would you do that? You don't really have any idea how this stuff works.

But... glancing at your pesterchum, Polnareff has just told you to do exactly that anyway. Abdul's going to be your "server player".

You shrug and put the disk labeled as the "client" into the appropriate slot, and a window opens. 

> A SBURB host is attempting to connect with you. 
> 
> Client has established connection with host. 
> 
> Press [ENTER] when ready.
> 
> _

**> Jotaro: press [ENTER].**

The screen flashed white as a circular, shifting design appears on the monitor. Within a moment, music begins to play as the circle shifts and grows, changing color alongside the background. On the bottom a green loading bar slowly fills, phrases mostly too fast for you to catch zip past beneath that. But the ones you do manage to read in time are BS like "diverting catharsis plates", so you figure it's unimportant. 

When the bar fills, the screen goes black.

And in big, cartoony green letters is the word SBURB.


	3. Chapter 3

You are now Mohammed Abdul

You stare at your monitor in surprise.

Sitting on the screen, in a small cluttered room, was Kujo Jotaro, staring at his computer with the stoic glare that you've come to get used to over skype calls. 

At least two walls of the room seem to be completely transparent. Clicking on the "right" button on the module at the top of the screen though allows you to see the room from another angle. You are beginning to get a very bad feeling about this. 

But your MENTOR CAESAR trusted Mister Joestar with his life, and Mister Joestar gave you this game. 

You were meant to play.

That the loading symbol was something you remember from your nightmares means nothing. Or if it does, it doesn't matter. All the same...

**> Pester Jotaro**

\-- ankhArrowhead [AA] began pestering jailedJettison [JJ]

AA: Jotaro, 1 am not sure how to say this...

JJ: What? Is the game not working?

JJ: Damn it Gramps*

AA: Jotaro... look behind you. 

**> Reveal anything Jotaro has stashed under his bed.**

You click the [Select] tab on the top of the module. Bringing over the house-shaped cursor, you click the bed. On your screen, the colors reverse for a moment. Biting your lip, you drag the cursor up slightly, the entire bed coming up from the floor with it. 

AA: Jotaro.

JJ: ***

AA: 1 don't think this is a normal game. 

JJ: ***

JJ: You're doing that?

JJ: Put it down*

AA: Okay.

AA: Jotaro, 1 don't want to make this any worse... but there's a lot of tabs here. 1 can see your whole house.

AA: And 1 don't want to freak you out any more than 1 am already.

AA: But remember those dreams?

JJ: Not your fortune telling BS*

JJ: Wait*

JJ: Shit* Its not BS* You're actually a psychic* You just moved my bed*

AA: That was the game.

AA: And yes, 1 AM TOO A PSYCHIC. Just not telekinetic.

AA: 1 have prophetic dreams, 1 thought we've gone over this already!

JJ: And I thought we worked you though that tarot card nonsense*

AA: 1t's not nonsense if it works!

AA: We're getting distracted here. 

JJ: Fine*

AA: 1n my dreams, 1 saw the same symbols as on the loading screen.

JJ: Okay?

AA: They appeared the most often in my nightmares.

JJ: The fire ones?

AA: Yes, Jotaro. 

AA: Jotaro. 

AA: This is more serious than either of us was prepared for right now. 

AA: Talk to Mister Joestar immediately. 

JJ: ***

JJ: Why'd he even get us this game?

JJ: Does he want us to mess up yours and Kak's and Polnareff's house too?

AA: Don't dodge this. Talk to Mister Joestar. Now. 

JJ: Why?

JJ: He didn't warn us*

JJ: We can deal with this on our own*

AA: Jotaro 1 can literally destroy anything in your house. 

JJ: In Gramps' house*

JJ: Destroy away*

AA: He probably called you and your mother over to New York so the game couldn't mess with your normal house...

AA: 1 am serious Jotaro. Talk to Mister Joestar about this. 1'm going to look up everything 1 can on the internet about SBURB.

JJ: Fine*

\-- jailedJettison [JJ] stopped pestering ankhArrowhead [AA].

** >Abdul: freak out. **

That's not going to help in this situation. Damn it.

You should have known this would happen! The dreams show all the worst things, meteors falling, accidents. And when you go out of your way to deal with them, it always ends up biting you in the butt. Thinking back, you think you've seen the house shape as well. It's had to tell, as you don't remember your dreams that well. Just... enough. Enough that you can make a profit as a professional fortune teller. Not enough that you can survive without what Caesar left behind. Enough that you can save people from car accidents nearby, but not enough that you can prevent the accident from happening.

You wish Caesar were here. 

He was always able to guide it in the right direction, able to get rid of your mental blocks, help you to remember enough of your dreams that you could help people before they were hurt. 

He would have known what to do in this situation. 

** >Research SBURB. **

Tabbing out of Jotaro's... house... you open up CETUS, your favorite WEB BROWSER. There's not much available on SBURB. Those playing it never get very far in their walkthroughs. But it's somewhere to start, at the very least. 

Oh.

Made by the Speedwagon Foundation.

That's... that just adds even more to the whole Goddamn mystery. 

You have nothing but trust for Mister Joestar, but he must know more about the situation than you do. 

** >Jotaro: talk to your Gramps. **

You're getting to it. Good grief. 

You leave your room in search of JOSEPH JOESTAR, your maternal grandather, and the owner of the near-mansion you're currently inside of. You head down the stairs into the main room of the Joestar estate. Lining the walls are various posters and photographs displaying your grandfather's MANY INTERESTS, and PRECIOUS FAMILY AND FRIENDS.

There are posters celebrating GOLDEN AGE SUPERHEROES and CLASSIC MANGA. Not to mention a heaping helping of CLASSIC GAMING MEMORABILIA, HOLLYWOOD MOVIES FROM LITERALLY EVERY ERA, COLORFUL VASES, VARIOUS ROCK MUSICIANS, and, at its most bizarre a collection of FRAMED BUBBLE WANDS, GERMAN GUNS, and UMBRELLAS. All framed on the same wall, in positions of honor. For every poster devoted to some artist, there's one devoted to one of your Gramp's family or friends. Of note is your great-grandmother, LISA JOESTAR, which doubles as a movie poster, and of your grandmother SUZIE Q. JOESTAR. She unfortunately passed on soon before you were born. There are black-and-white photographs from even earlier on in your family's history. Including one of your GREAT-GREAT-GRANDPARENTS standing next to R.E.O. SPEEDWAGON, the founder of the SPEEDWAGON FOUNDATION. There's also a worn photograph of your Gramps standing next to Abdul's stepdad CAESAR ZEPPELI.

You have the weirdest Gramps on Earth.

He's probably in the lounge with your mom.

** >Go talk to them. **

Sitting in chairs opposite each other, your mom and Gramps are laughing about something while watching an old Superman movie.

"Hey Gramps."

"Oh! Jotaro!" Your mom pauses the movie and gets up, throwing herself towards you. She quickly wraps you up in a HUG OF MATERNAL AFFECTION. You do not hug her back. If you encourage her in any way, who knows how this whole maternal smothering thing will escalate?

Joseph Joestar gets up from his own chair, and flashes a cocky grin. Oh God. He's going to do the thing. The mindy thing.

"Oi, Jotaro! Your next line is: What the Hell kind of Game did you buy me?!"

"What the hell kind of game-" You immediately close your mouth and narrow your eyes. You have when he does that. _You're_ able to hide things from him sometimes, more than anyone else you've seen him try it on, but more or less, Joseph Joestar is a Goddamn infallible mind-reader. 

"And to answer your question: One that will end the world." He smiled wider,  "And create a new one."

"Dad?" Your mom asks hesitantly. "What is he talking about?"

"The computer game he got me, and apparently all my closest friends, can affect the real world." You scowl at him. "What the hell's your game, old man?" 

" _My_ game is _this_ game. Now then, we don't have much time to lose."  He drew a phone out of his chest pocket and showed you a pre-typed message. He hits enter, and then points upstairs.

"No. Explain this to me." You crouch down into a fighting stance, bringing up your fists.

He responds with a nod. "Then there's only one way to settle this. I'll just go quickly then!"

** >STRIFE. **

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

**> AGGRIEVE**

**> AGGRIVE MORE**

You swing your fist forward at him, but he Auto-Parries without even looking at you. 

GUARDIAN RUBRIC: _**CLACKER VOLLEY**_

Gramps spins two steel balls attached by a leather cable at you. You get tied up almost immediately. 

**> ABJURE**

You cannot abjure! The attack has already succeeded.

**> ABSCOND**

It doesn't work. Kujo Jotaro does not abscond. Not at least without getting done what you needed to do.

GUARDIAN RUBRIC:  _ **MINDY THING**_

Your Gramps says that he'll tell you the FULL TRUTH, if you agree to listen to him and play the game. He says it's IMPERATIVE, and that it's the RIGHT THING TO DO.

Damn it, he's convincing. 

**> ***ACCEDE**

You give in, and Gramps unties you.

"Good! Now then, there's no time to waste." He turns to your mom and gives a wide, placating smile. "Now, Holly, this'll be difficult to explain, but you know how... Jotaro was born? This has to do with that. In fact, it's necessary."

"With how his... oh." Your mom gets uncharacteristically solemn. "The meteor."

"It's all weird Time shit, Holly. But essentially, he has to play, because him playing will result in the meteor."

Mom begins to tear up. Before you can escape she crushes you with another MATERNAL HUG OF AFFECTION. "Get off me." 

"Do what your Gramps says, alright Jotaro?"

You already ACCEDED. You were anyway.

Gramps nods in satisfaction, and checks his watch before beginning to push away the chairs from the TV. He then grabs your mom, and gently moves her away from the open space. Taking his cue, you do the same. 

Out of nowhere, though it seems the most likely explanation is Abdul, the empty space of the living room is suddenly occupied by a large square platform with a screen and weird cylinder thing on top of it. 

Gramps gives a thumb-up to the open air. "Good Abdul! Now then, first things first... unless you'd like to do the honors, Jotaro?" He gestures to the cylinder.

**> Examine wheel on ????. **

You grip the wheel and begin to turn it. It feels like you're pushing something upward. When you pull it enough to the side, it stops, and the top of the cylinder seems to get pushed up a little. 

**> ORA.**

ORA indeed. 

A single punch to the top is enough to send the object's cap careening off, smashing into another of your Gramps' MANY SHELVES OF PRECIOUS POSSESSIONS. If the man didn't have so much wall space to spare he'd be on an episode of hoarders.  

Oh. 

Oh shit. 

"Grandpa!" Gramps shouts, distressed. "OH MY GOD! Jotaro!" 

"Oh dear." Your mom quickly heads to the kitchen to gather a dustpan to clean up the ash that came from what was apparently not a vase, but rather your GREAT-GREAT-GREAT GRANDFATHER'S URN. Those... are a lot of urns, then. 

You'd probably awkwardly stand there looking slightly regretful even longer, but your attention is drawn to the glowing orb now rising from the hole in the mysterious object. 

"Um... Gramps, what the hell is that thing?"

Gramps stares at it for a few seconds, and then shrugs. "Honestly, I have no idea. Abdul could tell you, probably."

**> Talk to Abdul.**

You run upstairs back to your computer.

Abdul's already began pestering you. You suppose he saw this coming already, and watched you run up the stairs. 

AA: 1 have deployed the cruxtruder.

JJ: What the hell is a cruxtruder*

AA:... it extrudes cruxite.

JJ: I'm not going to deign that with a response*

JJ: What the hell does it do?

AA: Okay, there's this tab here. The phernalia registry. 1t... deploys gadgets?

AA: that are necessary to play the game. 

AA: 1f you spin the wheel on the cruxtruder, it should produce cylinders called cruxite dowels. You bring the cylinders to the other machines...

Two impacts quickly rock the house. 

AA: Which are both in the living room with the cruxtruder. 

JJ: Is there anything else?

JJ: I don't want to keep running up and down*

JJ: I'll probably slip and break my head open*

AA: Um...

AA: There's a pre-punched card here now too... let me check the site

AA: Okay, 1 think 1 got it.

AA: Jotaro, I've put a pre-punched card into the cruxtruder and

AA: Oh

AA: Mister Joestar seems to be doing exactly what the walk throughs said you should do.

AA: The cruxtruder makes a dowel, you use the dowel and a punched card to make a totem with the Totem Lathe, and use the totem and you put that on the Alchemiter to create an object.

AA: Mister Joestar is waiting for you by the Alchemiter.

JJ: I have no idea what's going on any more*

**> Go to Gramps.**


	5. Chapter 5

"Oi, Jotaro!" Gramps held the cruxite dowel in his hand proudly. "What did Abdul say?"

"Not much. Basically that you're already doing everything we need to."

"So... what's the glowing thing?"

"...Shit."

**> Talk to Abdul again.**

AA: the guides say it's something called a 'sprite'.

AA: And that it must be 'prototyped' before you continue.

JJ: What the hell does prototyping it mean?

AA: 1 think it's something that is supposed to help you. Like a guide. Prototyping it... maybe you need to give it an order, or tell it to do something?

JJ: Yeah?

JJ: I'll try that*

AA: By the way, there's a timer attached to the Cruxtruder.

AA: And no one has continued their walkthrough past the point where they ran out of time.

JJ: So what? If we don't finish fast enough the game will end?

AA: Jotaro, 1 think it would be best if we did everything we need to before we run out of time. 

AA 1 have a really bad feeling about this. 

AA: 1 think 1've seen what happens to those who fail. 

JJ: What happens to them?

JJ: Abdul?

JJ: I thought you said we only had a little time left*

AA: 1'm sorry it's just...

AA: 1t's the same thing that's going to happen to everyone else.

JJ: Abdul*

JJ: What are you talking about?

AA: Oh god Jotaro.

AA: 1 just saw it.

AA: Just do what Mister Joestar says.

JJ: Abdul?!

\-- ankhArrowhead [AA] ceased pestering jailedJettison [JJ]

JJ: Abdul, you can't leave me with that and just

JJ: and you're gone*

JJ: good grief*

"Gramps!" You yell, rushing back down the stairs. "The crucibleintruder thing, what's the time on it?"

"What?"

"The timer on the cylinder!"

"OH MY GOD."

"Well?"

"We have forty seconds!"

"SHIT."

**> Prototype sprite with ASHES of GRAMPS' GRAMPS.**

You don't know why, but your first thought is to grab the whole mess of old ashes and pottery, both, and toss it into the glowing sphere. 

You and Gramps stare, transfixed, as the sphere takes on a strange new shape, glowing, until a smiling face appeared within it. It looked almost human, but somewhat clay-like at the same time. The face was blocky, with edges and bits of pottery attached over its ears and forming a crown on its head.

It's your mom that gets your attention back to the matter at hand. "Dad! Jotaro! Fifteen seconds!"

"HOLY SHIT."

"Crap." You yank the curvy dowel from Gramps' hands and slam it onto the Alchemiter's platform. 

A robotic arm extends and shines lasers over the cylinder, and on the platform a glowing purple model of the solar system, orbiting a large four-pointed star, or sun. Suddenly, the star falls and the rest of the system disappears. 

[>[S] JOTARO ENTER](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oMGS--qe15I)

The star lays on the surface of the alchemiter, as the timer counts down.

You only have seconds, so you do the first thing that comes to your mind.

You punch it. 

"ORA ORA ORA ORARARARARARA!"

It shatters. 

 

And then everything begins to glow purple. 

 


	6. Chapter 6

Next to you, your kernelsprite begins to vibrate and flash violently, before breaking into three pieces. A white glowing orb drifts upwards, phasing through the roof, while a second orb passes down into the ground. 

Remaining was the 'sprite' you supposed. It had the same face that appeared earlier, but now it had an entire body, minus the legs. Now that you see it in all his buff glory, you see the resemblance to Gramps. And yourself. You guess Joestar blood runs thick, even despite the half-dozen generations and being fused with the polished urn. 

You and Gramps stare at the sprite for several seconds. 

He seems to be regarding you in a slightly more amused manner.

**> Investigate New Land**

What new land?

You leave your Gramps and the ghost of your Gramps' Gramps with your mom to sort out what the hell is going on. Entering the kitchen, you realize that sunlight is no longer coming in through the window. 

You open the back door and look at the about seven feet worth of backyard before it becomes a sheer drop. It's also nighttime. Looking upwards, the sky seems dotted with brightly glowing four-pointed crystal stars and rotating reflective steel orbs. They looks almost like your Gramps' clackers and light-up glass Christmas ornaments. 

Suddenly your observations are interrupted by a scream. 

**> Help y-**

You ignore whatever that god damn voice was beginning to say and rush in to help. No one messes with your mom and lives. You burst back into the living room and see four shiny black creatures, wearing the same urn shard armor your Sprite is wearing. 

"ORA ORA ORARARARA!"

"CLACKER VOLLEY"

Your mom doesn't waste time calling her attacks and just kicks one of them. 

You manage to pummel two of them to death, and your Gramps has managed to capture another. The one that tangled with your mom is holding its hand to its eye and is backing away fearfully. The two that you killed disappeared, leaving behind a couple of weird crystals. 

You accidently touch one and it disappears. 

"Gramps, do you have any idea what these things are?"

|I do.|

Everyone in the room, creatures included, turn in surprise to the sprite. 

|I am sorry to interrupt, but if you're interested in explanations, I can help a bit with that.|

"You can, Grandpa?" Gramps asks, looking hopeful. "Granny Erina was always talking about you, did... did the sprite bring you back to life?"

|It did, in fact. It's also given me a wealth of information.|

"...What do I call you?" You ask. GreatX2 Gramps will get to be a mouthful.

|It seems my name is now Jonathurnsprite.|

**> Prototype him again with something stupid.**

Nah. 

"What are these weird creatures?"

|They're called Imps.| He explains. |They work for the forces of darkness, which you must defeat in order to win the game.| He points at the crystals, and pats you on the back. The force of the impact pushes you further into them, absorbing the whole lot. |And that stuff is "grist", which you need for your server player to be able to build and move things, as well as to pay for the creation of new objects.|

Your server player! Abdul, you almost forgot. 

While you're at it you should alert Polnareff and Kakyoin, if he finally got online,to the situation as well. 

**> Ask about your land.**

"Where are we?" You ask, gesturing behind you at the kitchen. 

"What do you mean Jotaro?"

"Outside were all these weird... things. Stars and lights and steel balls."

|Oh, we're on your planet, in the Medium. The game of 'sburb' mainly takes place here, a realm existing in a ring of pure void, dividing the light of Skaia from the Darkness of the inciphesphere, outside of the normal universe's flow of time. Don't ask me to explain any of those things in much further detail though. The game is filling my head with all these things, and it... doesn't want me to spoil too much.|

Gramps' grin is a wild and manic one. "WE'RE IN SPACE! HOLY SHIT!"

|It's not the same as normal space, you know.| Jonathurnsprite grinned a little at his grandson's enthusiasm. |Apparently you can even breathe in it. Which makes sense, given we're above the atmosphere of Jotaro's planet.|

"So, what's our goal here?" You ask impatiently, wanting to get through all this bizarre nonsense as fast as possible.

|In the long-term, creating a new universe with your friends. In the short term? Build up your houses to reach each of the Gates that have formed above us, complete your planet's "quest", and defeat your planet's boss, called a "Denizen". Doing so will allow you to begin the process of creating the universe. Oh! And defeating the forces of darkness, led by the Black King.|

"..Alright." You head upstairs, but are blocked by more Imps. Cracking your knuckles, you start pounding your way through, collecting a good amount of GRIST. Soon enough Gramps and the sprite join you, your mother following closely behind. It seems like every room in the place is chalk-full of these monsters. 

Fighting your way to your computer, you are irritated to find that Abdul is still offline from his freak-out earlier, and that Kakyoin still hasn't come online today at all.

**> Contact Polnareff.**

\--jailedJettison [JJ] began pestering joustingAcharnement [JA]

JJ: Polnareff, this game is dangerous and insane

JA: Oui, I know Jotaro.

JA: But it is still imperative that we play it through to the end.

JA: We're going to make it through okay. Don't you worry.

JA: Besides, we don't have much other choice at the moment. 

JA: Meteors are falling like raindrops.

JJ: Wait*

JJ: What?

JJ: You knew? About all this*** alternate reality crap?

JA: Un peu. But not as much as Abdul should. Let's just say we have the same source of information.

JA: I am sorry for misleading you, mon ami. 

JA: But if we are going to survive this, we'll have to do work quickly. 

JA: What have you learned about SBURB?

JJ: ***the objects Abdul put down sent me to this weird planet in somewhere called the Medium*

JJ: I've already fought a bunch of actual monsters called Imps*

JJ: Apparently all four of us have a planet and a boss on the planet*

JJ: That we need to beat*

JJ: And there's these forces of darkness guys

JA: 7he Dersites?

JJ: ***

JA: Sorry.

JJ: ***that we need to beat*

JJ: Led by a 'Black King' of some kind* Apparently doing this will let us create a brand-new universe*

JA: Why is Abdul offline?

JJ: He had a freakout*

jailedJettison sent --Abdulfreakout*.jpg-- to joustingAcharnement

JA: He must have seen the meteors in the clouds. 

JA: Oh poor Abdul!

JA: He must be feeling torn up about this. Do you have his phone number? Maybe Monsieur Joestar does!

JJ: This is the second time you talked about meteors*

JJ: What's the big deal?

JA: 7hey're falling everywhere Jotaro. Your gramps' mansion is on the international news. Or rather, it's crater. Apparently it was the biggest impact of them all so far.

JJ: What the hell

JA: 7he world is ending, Jotaro. 

JA: Right now, I'm focusing on getting my best friends and my family out. 7hat game is our only option at the moment.

JJ: This

JJ: This is bullshit*

JJ: Are we playing to save the world then?

JA: I

JA: I don't think so mon ami. 

JA: I think we're playing for ourselves.

JA: And for the universe we are tasked with creating.

JJ: Crap*

JJ: I'll go talk to Gramps and see if he can get ahold of Abdul*

JJ: In the meantime, you keep trying to get ahold of Kakyoin.

JA: I'll also set up as Abdul's server player. 

JA: Good luck, Jojo.

\--joustingAcharnement [JA] ceased pestering jailedJettison [JJ]

  **> Abdul: Get a hold of yourself**


	7. Chapter 7

You are once again Mohammed Abdul. 

Outside, Cairo is beginning to go up in flames. Everywhere else in the world seems to be going through the same thing. Meteors are falling from the sky like hail.

You don't have much time. 

**> Check Pesterchum.**

Jojo and Polnareff have both tried contacting you. But you're not up to talking right now. Every nightmare you've ever had is becoming a reality all at once. 

Caesar would have...

Well, you're not sure what he would do. Not even Caesar would be able to deflect meteors. You're not even sure he'd be able to help the people more than the government already is. Sirens are going off, telling people to get shelter. 

You need to focus on the game right now. That's the best thing you can do right now. Taking a few calming breaths, you sit back down at your computer. Jotaro's the one in the game, so you check with him first.

JJ: Abdul, you can't leave me with that and just

JJ: and you're gone*

JJ: good grief*

AA: Sorry.

AA: 1 just had a lot to think about for a moment. 

AA: What can 1 do to help?

JJ: You're back*

JJ: Good*

JJ: Gramps was just about to dig into his ancient pile of shit and root around for a telephone number you might be using*

AA: That won't be necessary. 

JJ: So*

JJ: I'm in space now*

JJ: Apparently we all get a planet with a boss on it*

JJ: Oh yeah. Download the client player as well, Polnareff wants to get you into the game as fast as possible*

AA: 1'll get on that after we finish talking.

AA: 1s there anything you need me to do?

JJ: Well, apparently we need to build up to these portal things that were created when Jonathurnsprite split*

AA: ...

AA: Jonathurn?

JJ: My Gramps' Gramps*

JJ: I prototyped my sprite with my great-great gramps Jonathan Joestar's ashes, and the urn they were in*

JJ: So now he's a ghost guide* And Jonathurn* He decided that was his name now* Or the game did*

JJ: The bad part is all these monsters that appeared after I got here were also prototyped*

JJ: So they have pottery armor and a vague resemblence to my great-great gramps*

AA: Then 1 suppose we'll have to be careful about what we prototype. 

AA: 1 think 1 see the portals.

AA: You somehow managed to get a ton more build grist than the last time 1 saw the meter.

JJ: The monsters turn into it when you kill them*

AA: Ah, that makes sense. 1n video game logic at least.

AA: This shouldn't be too difficult. 

JJ: There's no real rush on my end of things*

JJ: These imps are a joke*

JJ: Focus on getting yourself and our friends the hell off Earth*

AA: The meteors...

JJ: Yeah*

AA: Alright. 1'll download the client. Don't you dare die while 1'm busy.

JJ: Got it*

You're glad Jotaro's not holding it against you that you left just now. Sometimes you hate being psychic. You quickly grab the other disk of SBURB and put it into your computer, before tabbing it and clicking on Polnareff's chumhandle. He's already talking at you. 

JA: Abdul!

JA: Abdul!  


JA: Abdul, are you alright?

JA: Oh god, I knew we should have talked about this more.

JA: But you're the Light player! You should know more about the situation that me.

JA: Are you still asleep on Prospit?

JA: Well, obviously if you're awake here you're asleep there!

AA: Polnareff.

JA: Abdul! Mon ami, it's good to see you. Did Jotaro get in contact with you?

AA: What were you saying about Prospit?

AA: Why is that name familiar.

AA: And what am 1? A Light player?

JA: Oh good! You're downloading the client player.

JA: I'll tell you about Prospit and the other stuff when we have more time!

JA: As it is, the news says Egypt is getting hit especially hard. 

JA: That big sphinx statue blew up! They keep showing the crater.

AA: Shit.

AA: 1'm connecting to you right now.

JA: Good! I'm doing the same on my end.

JA: You have to hit enter.

AA: Sorry, 1 had it tabbed.

** >Hit Enter **

You do so, and the circular design appeared once more, the loading bar filling up rather quickly, and the bright green letters appearing once more. 

And then it just stayed there. You suppose Jotaro didn't have any kind of- 

You wince as everything on your shelf gets knocked free from it as Polnareff tosses it across your room. 

AA: POLNAREFF.

JA: I need space!

JA: You live in such a tiny apartment.

JA: Oh!

JA: I can just build more open space for you!

The wall in front of you glows for a few seconds, before shooting backwards, an entire corridor of house being created from nothing before your eyes. You quickly grab your desktop and try your best to hold it back as the plug on the wall that you had everything attached to suddenly gets farther and farther away. 

AA: POLNAREFF. 

You don't get much farther because at that moment the cables had stretched as far as they could go, and became unplugged from the wall socket. You get up and angrily give Polnareff each of the obscene gestures you know, as you know he can see you. You begin to push your entire desk, with its computer set up, to the nearest, closest wall, and plug everything back in. You can only hope Polnareff doesn't move this wall farther away too. 

Luckily, it seems that it wasn't all for nothing, as the Alchemiter and totem lathe have now appeared in your apartment's most recent addition. When an impact shudders your apartment, going out of your room reveals the Cruxtruder sitting in the center of your bedroom... and all your couches and your table in a pile on the other end of the room, apparently to make more room.  

Running back to your computer, you find that despite the impromptu shutdown, both the client and server for Sburb is open and active. You reactivate Pesterchum and connect back with Polnareff.  

JA: Oh shit.

JA: I'm sorry Abdul. I didn't think it would do that. I just saw it was a wall that faced the outside, so I could expand it without running into anything.

AA: 1t doesn't matter. 1 see everything's deployed.

JA: Well, there's some other stuff on the Phernalia register...

JA: But it seems we can't unlock that yet.

AA: Alright. 1 suppose it's time 1 get a move on. Any luck with getting Kakyoin to connect to you yet?

JA: Non.

AA: 1'll start bugging him myself once 1'm into the Medium.

** >Activate Cruxtruder's countdown **

You get up from the computer and move over to the cruxtruder, pulling on the wheel until you feel it hit the top. You kick at the top, but you have nowhere near the brute-strength of Jotaro.  

You try to access your strife deck to draw a weapon, but realize you have nothing set to your strife specibus. You haven't even chosen an abstractus! 

Looking around for something to dislodge the cap of the cruxtruder, your eyes set upon the large golden ankh that Caesar bought when you both first moved permanently to Egypt. Grabbing it, you set it to your kind abstractus, and shuffle the weapon into your currently empty strife deck.  

Clubkind. 

That works, you suppose.  

Acting quickly, you smash the ankh against the cap of the cruxtruder, popping it open easily. Unfortunately, the glowing light-blue sprite fired out of it immediately, right into the ankh. 

Your strife specibus is empty once more.  

At least you don't have to worry about what to prototype your sprite with.  

The timer reads two minutes.


	8. Chapter 8

**> Get into the zone.**

You assume the voice means the Medium. You think you agree with its sentiment though. You don't have much time. You extrude some cruxite from the cruxtruder, and carry it over to the Totem Lathe. The prepunched card is already in the machine, and it makes short work of the glowing blue cylinder. Then it's a simple matter of bringing it over to the Alchemiter and entering the Medium.

**> Alchemize it.**

You do so. It appears immediately, a firepit, a small table, and upon the table a deck of cards, all of it a reflective light blue hue. 

Jotaro destroyed his object, so you figure you have to do the same.

You grab the deck, and its a familiar one. You're a professional fortune teller after all, and the Major Arcana is still as popular as ever. It helps that you can actually tell the future. It has little to actually do with your visions when you use the cards though. It just seems that luck always works in your favor, and allows you to use the cards conventionally as a method of telling the future. Part of why you're a psychic. It was you successfully using the tarot that convinced Caesar to take you under his wing and train you.

He never actually said what he was training you for, but all the same...

You shuffle it and close your eyes, drawing a card from the front of the deck. Without opening it, you already know which it is. Opening your eyes you look at a blue rendition of Card Number 1, the Magician. 

Without another thought you toss it into the flames. 

**[>[S] ABDUL ENTER](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Hkf9r86sRc) **

It is engulfed immediately, and the entire setup disappears as quickly as it came. 

The next instant, blue light engulfs everything.

Blinking the spots out of your eyes you walk over to your window and look outside. The change is immediately obvious. The scent of smoke and the Cairo streets has vanished. The buildings and dusty roads are gone, and in their place is one of the most beautiful thing you've ever seen.

Brilliant multicolored reflective mountains spread out as far as you eye can see, far, far below you. Erupting in great wreathes and rings fire spouts like geysers from the ground. From what you can see, the top section of your apartment building, the part you live in, is on a massive pillar, just like Mister Joestar's mansion is. The clouds are a lot more sparse on your planet, allowing you to see the the beautiful play of firelight reflecting off the glass in all its glory. The few clouds that are there are a similar rainbow display, the lights of the ground shining off of them like mirrors.

You definitely don't cry.

**> Wave to Jotaro's planet.**

You can't see it in the sky above you.

You should talk to him again. Now that you're in the Medium, and therefore safe from the meteors, you could build up his house to the first gate. 

\--ankhArrowhead [AA]  began pestering jailedJettison [JJ]

AA: Jotaro, 1'm safely inside the Medium.

AA: My world is breathtaking.

AA: This whole thing might have been worth it for the view alone.

JJ: Nice*

JJ: What's your monster situation? They nearly appeared instantly for me*

AA: 1 haven't seen any, but 1 haven't looked either.

AA: 1 think 1'll just build up your house as much as 1 can. You've got a ton of grist.

JJ: Alright* 

AA: You'll reach your first gate in no time.

**> Renovate the Joestar mansion.**

You begin by extending a hall that branched close to the edge of the house into a kind of balcony. From there you create a fairly simple platform on stilts on the roof. You're not an architect, but the thing doesn't so much as sway. You hope the game doesn't follow normal physics in regards to building towers, because considering how high some of the gates are, it's ridiculous to think an amateur could design a tower that high using the Joestar mansion as a base.

Connecting it to the balcony via a ladder is the next step. 

You zoom out to get a better look at the manor, before copying and pasting your platform on stilts above the first platform on stilts. Still no swaying. Good. From there Jotaro should be able to touch the first gate. 

And not so much as half of the total grist Jotaro collected had been used up in the endeavor. 

AA: You should be able to reach the first gate now, Jotaro.

JJ: Alright then*

JJ: Do you think I should?

JJ: I mean, Polnareff and Kakyoin aren't in yet.

AA: You're right... 1t might be prudent to be patient then. 1n the meantime...

AA: There's more objects in the Phernalia registry 1 can deploy.

AA: This is a "Punch Designix".

AA: 1 think it punches cards so you can make other objects with the totem lathe and alchemiter.

JJ: Like a cloning machine? 

AA: 1'd think of it more as a captchalogue card copier.

**> Jotaro: alchemize some sweet new weapons.**

You are now Kujo Jotaro.

You'd rather not. You use your fists to fight. In fact, your KIND ABSTRACTUS is set to FISTKIND. And as far as you know, there's no way to alchemize up more dangerous hands for yourself. 

This'll be useful you suppose. You had better tell Gramps. He's got all kinds of shit lying around. He'll probably want to replicate his collectibles or some shit, so he can sell them for millions without losing the originals. 

Then you realize you're on another planet within a game and that the world is probably ending. 

**> Talk to Kakyoin.**

You would if you could. As it is, in New York, where your Gramps' mansion was before it got teleported it was around noon. In Cairo and Paris it was six at night. However, in Japan it's one in the morning. 

Kakyoin has school in the morning, so it figures he's asleep. Besides, he already promised he'd talk to you before your birthday was over, in a few hours when he's awake in the morning and its evening for you, and sent you a birthday message last night. 

It's not like anyone expected it to be the end of the world. 

You should try some other method of talking to Kakyoin. Would he get up if his phone started ringing? The four of you spend so much time talking over pesterchum you never bothered to memorize each other's phone numbers. 

**> Alchemize a way to talk to Kakyoin.**

That... could work. You'll talk to Gramps about it. 

**> Be Noriaki Kakyoin.**

"SHUT UP." You scream at the constant sirens, putting your pillow over your head. You don't give a damn if there's an earthquake going on, or tsunami, or whatever. You are going back to sleep. You live alone and can responsibly make your own life choices, thank you.

Wait, shit.

That's a stupid idea. 

Scrabbling from the blankets you rush to the TV to see what the disaster is. 

You blink in shock at the images of the craters on the news. The famous Egyptian Sphinx is gone, there's an absolutely massive crater in New York, over-

You run for your computer, turning it on and impatiently pounding your feet on the cold floor. It's 1 AM in the morning and you shouldn't be this full of fear right now. Jotaro said he was visiting his Gramps, right? Your half-asleep brain can't process it at the moment, leading only further into the spiral of panic. 

Pesterchum comes online and to your infinite relief Jotaro has recently been online, even after the meteor impact with Joestar Manor. That means Jotaro's fine.

And he just lost his Gramps on his birthday. 

\--asterismOriginator  [AO] began pestering jailedJettison [JJ] 

AO: Jotaro I just saw the news.

AO: I'm so sorry about your gramps.

AO: There's apparently meteors falling everywhere. I think I should go to the shelter pretty soon, but I just wanted to make sure you're alright. 

JJ: Kakyoin thank God*

JJ: All of us have been trying to get in contact with you for like an hour*

AO: I was asleep.

AO: it's like one in the morning

JJ: I know* Doesn't matter*

JJ: Did you get a game from my Gramps in the mail?

AO: Jotaro, the sirens are going off, I don't have time to play 5BURB.

AO: I thought you hated computer games anyway.

AO: Unless this is like a memorial thing for your grandfather.

AO: Once again, I'm so sorry. And on your birthday too. I was so scared for a second, I thought you said you were going to visit him for a week or two.

JJ: I did*

JJ: I am*

JJ: He's fine* So's my mom*

JJ: In fact, in all this bullshit I'm actually up in the family number count*

AO: What.

JJ: Doesn't matter* I'll explain it later*

JJ: Put in SBURB*

JJ: The server version, and connect to Polnareff as soon as you can*

AO: What are you talking about.

JJ: Apparently the world is ending* And playing SBURB sends you to another dimension or some bullshit*

AO: Bullshit certainly is a word for the situation you're describing.

JJ: This isn't funny* I'm being serious* 117%

JJ: Unless I'm hallucinating giant steel balls and glowing crystals floating around in the night sky during the early afternoon* 

JJ: Not even mentioning the monsters and the ghost*

AO: Am I still dreaming?

JJ: God damn it Kakyoin!

JJ: Read the logs*

JJ: Polnareff or Abdul probably can explain all this crap better than me*

AO: Fine.

AO: I know you're not a prankster

AO: Neither is Abdul or really Polnareff

AO: But that's about the only explanation that works right now.

JJ: Good grief*

JJ: Just plug in the damn disk and you'll see for yourself*

AO: I think I should evacuate like everyone else.

JJ: The meteors are going to ruin everything anyway* Japan's probably doomed*

JJ: The Earth's probably doomed*

JJ: Abdul's apparently been having prophetic nightmares about this*

AO: You don't believe Abdul's prophecies.

JJ: I do now*

JJ: Just play, right now*

JJ: It'll save Polnareff's life*

JJ: That takes priority*

JJ: Even if you don't believe in any of this, just do that first*

AO: Fine.

You're half-hoping this is all a dream anyway.

You take the disk that had been lying on your desk and slide it into the slot.

**> Connect to Polnareff.**


	9. Chapter 9

You are about to push the disk into your computer when pesterchum lights up again. 

Huh?

You don't actually recognize this handle.

\-- FUTURE theWorld [FTW] began pestering asterismOriginator [AO]

Future?

What the hell does that mean. 

AO: I'm not sure what you want, but I'm busy right now.

AO: There are meteors falling from the sky, it's not a good time to be chatting online with total strangers.

AO: 5o, unless you know me from school or something, buzz off.

FTW: NORIAKI KAKYOIN, you're currently putting a game called SBURB into your computer. 

FTW: Good thinking. I, THE WORLD, commend you for your willingness to leave this planet to its fate and journey on to the NEXT WORLD.

FTW: But it's not the right time for that. 

FTW: Out of all of your little group, you have the most time to relax.

FTW: As does dear JEAN PIERRE POLNAREFF. 

AO: Who the hell are you and how do you know my friends?

AO: Are you a stalker?

AO: What, are the End Times coming about finally giving you the confidence to talk to me 'in person'?

FTW: No such thing KAKYOIN. 

FTW: Although we will be meeting in person somewhat soon. 

FTW: No, I, THE WORLD, am merely telling you to hold off. For your own good.

FTW: It would be best if KUJO JOTARO and MOHAMMED ABDUL made some progress on their own respective quests before you rudely interfere.

FTW: Which is ironic, as only YOU and POLNAREFF are truly required to winning the GAME.

AO: You know a lot about this situation.

AO: But I really don't have time to deal with your crap right now.

FUTURE theWorld sent asterismOriginator [HolyDiver~ATH](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SHrnd870a-o)

FTW: I, THE WORLD am aware you have little knowledge of obscure programming languages.

FTW: If it didn't have its uses, I wouldn't either. 

FTW: But this one in particular is a program that activates with the destruction of a specific thing. 

FTW: It had three parts. The first is tied to the death of your TEACHER. You have my condolences, this has activated. Meteors.

AO: You had better not be fucking messing with me right now.

FTW: This code makes it so if you attempt to run any version of SBURB, your computer will explode. 

FTW: The second part is connected to the EIFFEL TOWER. When it activates, you will be allowed to download the server player disk. You will then get POLNAREFF into the GAME.

FTW: The third is tied to your next-door NEIGHBOR's death. When this happens, you will be allowed to download the client disk. YOU will enter the game. 

AO: This is bullshit. All of it. I don't have any time for this at all. 

asterismOriginator's [AO's] computer exploded.

FTW: Your copy of the disk survived. When you check your laptop and see this message, you will dig it from the wreckage of your desktop. And you will follow MY directions.

FTW: Don't worry, KAKYOIN. I am doing this all for our ultimate benefit, after all. I have been trying to win this game for... such a long time. At this point, despite everything I've done. 

FTW: I think I finally deserve it. 

\-- FUTURE theWorld  [FTW] ceased pestering asterismOriginator [AO]

**> Survive the explosion**

You do so, but God Damn. 

You woke up like five minutes ago to the sound of disaster sirens and now a stalker from the future blew up your computer because you tried to play a computer game to somehow save Polnareff's life. 

You are beginning to give serious consideration to the notion that you might be dreaming, or if not, at the very least hallucinating. 

You dust yourself off and plug in your laptop. You find the code running there as well. Crap. You read the remainder of TW's message, and, although you don't want to give this bastard the satisfaction, apparently the game really is necessary to saving Polnareff's life.

**> Be THE WORLD.**

You cannot be THE WORLD. In fact, THE WORLD currently exists nowhere in this universe.

**> Be THE WORLD in the Future. **

You cannot be THE WORLD in the Future. Not because he doesn't exist right now, in the future, but because no one can be THE WORLD, but HIM. You go back to being Kakyoin.

**> Be Polnareff.**

You are now Jean Pierre Polnareff.

You are sitting at your desk in your small house in Paris. Your SISTER is downstairs, worrying over the news. 

For a few minutes Kakyoin had come online, but before he answered any of your messages Pesterchum alerted you to the fact that his computer had apparently exploded. You have no idea what this means but you fear the worst. 

Oh, thank goodness, he's online again. 

AO: Polnareff

AO: I have some bad news. 

asterismOriginator sent jousingAcharnement absolutebastard.jpg

JA: What.

JA: WHA7 7HE HELL.

JA: 7HAT BASTARD!

JA: Did you tell Jotaro and Abdul?

AO: Not yet. You deserved to know first, it affects you the most. 

JA: What an

AO: absolute bastard. I know. 

AO: 5o, until the Eiffel tower falls, I think we'll have to focus on Abdul and Jotaro's games.

JA: I take it you've acknowledged the importance of the games?

AO: There has to be something to it, at this point.

JA: Well don't worry about a single thing mon ami. 

JA: As assholish a move that was, I think he's more or less telling the truth. 

JA: I'm going to go help Abdul. I'll send him a copy of your conversation with this "the World". 

AO: Alright. 

AO: 5tay safe, I guess.

You switch gears and return to Abdul's screen. He's begun fighting the monstrous amount of Imps that have invaded his house. You decide to help out by dropping heavy objects on some of them, but that only prompts more angry red text. 

As the grist counters slowly rise, you zoom out, letting out an impressed sound as you catch sight of Abdul's planet. As well as the Gate. Building upwards, you create a series of rickety passageways and stairs, spiraling up to meet the glowing blue circle. /p>


End file.
